WOW, I have a lot to say.. I hope to get it all out in this blog

1st I want to say that I have been on Facebook as I was awaiting news of a dear friend that was ill. She ascended to a higher plane, she no longer feels the pains of this world. She will be missed but her presence will remain through her works, she was an artist and an activist but most importantly she was a wonderful woman; a mother and a daughter. She loved her family and she praised them everyday. May her son and father find comfort in knowing that she touched many and she was truly loved. Moni (Monica) you are a treasure and I know that you are okay.

Now that I’ve gotten a lot off my chest in the past month I’ve been focused on school and focused on my weight loss journey. The last time I posted I was down 5 lbs now I’m down 8lbs. In the past I wanted everything to happen quick and fast but I didn’t do the necessary work to get the results. Honestly this has been rather easy for me to do. Why? Because this is something that I needed to do for me. My original motivation came from GirlTrek which got me to walk everyday for at least an hour and a Vegan challenge created by LaQuesha “Mean Green” McClain. Small steps do equal big results. The best part of this weight loss is having my kids on board, I’ll be sure to record us next time. We did Yoga in the park, ran drills up the stairs near DuSable Museum and walked 3 miles during the course of this afternoon adventure. Now we’re looking for bikes so that we can get more distance in our adventures.

Being on Facebook for a few days I decided to reconfigure my page, I know that I share my life with strangers everyday and I try to stay positive but some people have such dark clouds over them that it affects others. I like the new features that FB has, I no longer see their posts and they can no longer see mine. We’re even Steven, I’m not in the position were I want to change anyone, no one can, only they can change themselves. I have bigger fish to fry and goals to accomplish. If you haven’t noticed on my FB page, there has been a trend, I talk to myself. My page is my therapy; positive, inspiring and goal based. Whatever your purpose is on FB let it be one that is purposeful and suits you; don’t let it change your character and always remain true to yourself. 

Peace and blessing!

 

 

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Grades as of 5/30/2012

Sociology

Phase 1 Discussion Board A

Phase 1 Discussion Board 2 A-

Phase 1 Individual Project A-

Microeconomics

Phase 1 Discussion Board A-

Phase 1 Discussion Board 2 N/A (Not available)

Phase 1 Individual Project N/A

 

I’m waiting for my professor to post my other grades and I just completed the first phase 2 assignment.

Reflections

I spent some time sitting on the porch with Mom in our old neighborhood and what amazed me were all the new luxury cars that flew by. Trust me I’m not hating, if I wanted to be in debt with nothing to show for it in a few months to two years then I would do the same. Realistically I want more for my people, those flashy cars do nothing for them socially or economically outside of the ‘hood. I wish that they see the value and potential that they each possess. You don’t always need a college degree that’s just one option. Many of my closest friends made it out of the ‘hood because of their drive and determination, they were the best athletes and students when we were growing up. I look around now and the majority of these kids don’t have a high school education. That street credibility only gets you so far in the streets and in jail. But this is were they seek their glory, rolling blunts, flashy cars, white t-shirts, brand new kicks, and fly haircuts. It’s truly sad and it’s often encouraged. I see that a family friends daughter has opened up a beauty shop in the neighborhood though she no longer lives there I wish her the best of luck and I pray that she has insurance and an alarm system. Because in the ‘hood we are quick to rob and attack each other when we try to do the right thing. 

The End of that Chapter (same ish, different year)

It’s been about a week since we said goodbye but I think it was long overdue, he felt it too. Looking at our relationship in a new light, we became who were based on what the other person wanted. I became his mother, maid, personal assistant, and cook. In his opinion he became my bank (yea right). Slowly we became who we really were, I being very  family oriented, set on my goals, an avid volunteer, and easily accepting change. He went back to chain smoking, porn watching, waiting for me to assume the position, waiting for me to cook and clean. But I wanted balance more than anything. I wanted my house to feel like a home, I wanted a partner that enjoyed outings and socializing, not a hermit that hides out in the room surfing the web. I guess the reality of our relationship is/was that we are two different people and love wasn’t enough.

We may be alike in a few ways, yes we share the same zodiac sign, we love to eat, we both love long and hard, etc. With any relationship there is always something there that is being taught to us about ourselves, despite the attempts to try and make things work, we kept repeating the same mistakes and we had the same arguments. Many will say that the age difference is what divided us but truly our paths were different. I will not bad mouth him because ultimately he is a great guy and a wonderful person. I was able to learn a lot about myself and how to deal with relationships. It will be a long, long, long, long, long time before I let a man live with me or I live with him.

Life, Love, and the Pursuit of everything else…

I think I’m simple but others find me complex, I get me that’s what really matters. All my life I’ve lived according to the laws and directions of others. That’s why it’s so important for me to obtain this degree not because it will land me a better job and a big paycheck but because I want it. People have even gotten so brazen that they want me to love them their way. Last time I checked loving someone didn’t come with a how-to manual. In my opinion if you have to direct the actions of others for them to love you according to your “laws” then maybe you’re not used to love. Do you love yourself?

I love me more than I have ever loved another but being able to love myself has allowed me to love them greater. Do you understand? The way that I love my children allows me to sacrifice for them not by buying them designer clothes and expensive shoes but I provide them with the tools to stand alone in this cold and cruel world. Preparing them for the future is the greatest gift that I can give them. Getting them up out the hood is the best gift that I can give them right now. I kissed my babies good night, my 16 year old daughter woke up and looked at me like I’m crazy but I’m okay with that. I’m on a mission and I’m counting down the months until I can provide a better life for them.

Peace and blessings.  

Using The Four Agreements- Happy Wednesday

Peace and blessings. Last night I made a choice not to loc my hair for my own personal reasons and I’m happy with that. I’m trying not to take things personally but others seem to always try influence your life in one way or another. But does any of that really matter? No, not at all. I paid to start the process and to maintain it. Me being myself I made sacrifices and I’m proud that I made it as long as I did, so for that I pat myself on the back. I commend the masses that have locs. I love MY natural hair in a puff, fro, twists, braids, and pressed. Aw, I’m back.